In sickness and in health?

Research recently published in the Journal of Health and Social Behaviour seems to indicate that husbands are more likely than wives to seek divorce if their partner falls sick.

Although most marriage vows promise to love ‘in sickness and in health’ it seems that this isn’t always the case.

Promising at the altar to have and to hold your loved one, in sickness and in health, may seem like a straightforward pledge.

After tracking 2,700 couples in the US from 1992 to 2010, the American team who completed the study found that divorce levels were roughly the same between healthy couples and those in which the husband suffered sickness.

But when it was the wife who became ill, the likelihood of divorce rose.

There may be various reasons for this:-

• Financial - if the wife was also earning, suddenly there is a strain on finances so the split then becomes about money, not sickness.
• Men maybe aren’t so good at being the carer - and maybe the wife realises that she can’t rely on her spouse like she thought she could.
• Some men simply can’t cope when their wife gets very seriously ill - they may stop working and earning and this will change the relationship.  
• If the wife has been ill and recovers, the dynamic in the marriage has changed.  I know of one colleague who was very unwell and her husband liked being the breadwinner, the sole provider, and having a quiet compliant wife.  When she got better and found her voice again, he didn’t much like the ‘new improved version with opinions’ and the marriage fell apart.

One party being ill isn’t grounds for divorce, but the changes in behaviour that arise during or after illness may well mean that the marriage is never the same again.

A good reason to keep healthy, methinks!